What the Hell is Dating Anyway?

Please be aware that we no longer live in a dating society. If I asked a survey group of how dating is defined, almost all of them would give responses that are not consistent with one another. One person would say, "Dating is when two people are in a relationship." Another person would say, "Dating is when you get to know someone." A third would say, "Dating is when two people are in an intimate relationship." A fourth would say, "Dating is when you exclusively decide to get to know someone." 

All of these response are different, but I'm sure you've all heard at least two of those responses before, correct? 

Well, no one is wrong. We all have our own definitions of what dating someone means. That is why it is important to have these conversations beforehand so that lines are not crossed, misinterpretations do not occur, and that everyone stays on the same page with one another. It avoids confusion and holds people accountable to their actions when they are involved with someone. You have to see what their boundaries for dating are and if they overlap or intertwine with your beliefs. For the concepts that don't, the conversations give you the opportunity to discuss and clear up any differences. "This is what I will or won't allow when I date someone." Or, "Okay, I can allow this because we are more casual now. But as we develop into something more we will have to revisit this conversation." Omg! Doesn't that sound so much more clear, mature, and understanding? If only people were able to have conversations like this...

Here is my definition of dating: 

Dating is when two people have made a decision to get to know one another with the intentions of enjoying the other person's company. It does not imply a sexual relationship, or even an emotional relationship. It is with the purest attempt to genuinely get to know someone to learn about them as a human being. It also does not apply exclusivity. It is the rawest form, and builds the foundation of a bond between two individuals. Now, I have worded this definition in a very particular way. So, lets break this down. 

First thing first, I never said that dating does not involve intimacy, sex, or commitment. It must certainly can. But those are just associations that can come with dating. Those are expectations that have been placed by a person. Any person. And that is where the variation lies. But see, those are not the rawest forms of dating. Well, at least, in my opinion. 

I think that we should return back to the pure form of dating. There are so many failed relationships because we start dating people for the wrong reason. For sex, money, marriage, etc. The problem with this is that we don't actually take the time to know a person. We don't actually give us the opportunity to learn and digest a person. We're not able to see their essence and their character because we have already placed these expectations of what we want in a person, and we choose to see them for what we want to see. That is how we ignore red flags. That is how we end up looking in the mirror months to years later, asking ourselves, "Why am I with this person in the first place?"

If we remove expectations, it gives the opportunity to have conversations with the person and place expectations together. You will see if your expectations align or if there are adjustments that need to be made. Or, if you just need to call it quits all together. But that's okay, right? Wouldn't you rather call things off early instead of wasting your time? 

I know I would.