My Shadow Work Pt. 1

In the past, I have felt so disconnected from my body, heart, and soul. I have withdrawn myself from the closest people around me out of frustration, anxiety, depression, etc. I was battling a lot internally: spiritually and emotionally.I was facing a lot of financial troubles that I have never honestly ever experienced before and it was making me go down a dark path.  I was at a breaking point with myself. 

This might sound crazy, but I’m so grateful that I have gone through this chapter of darkness. Because without it, I would have never realized what I was missing to make me feel whole. And a  part of this was my Shadow Work. I realized that I had stopped working to actively heal the things about myself that I hide from, that I don’t like. This epiphany has been life changing for me. Thus, this is the first blog of a series that will discuss my Shadow Work. It will allow me to be honest with myself and to others and share my experience of Growth and Love for myself. 

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One of my biggest detriments that I now realize about myself is that I lack patience. 

I have always heard the phrase, “patience is virtue”. I have even recited it on social media before. I had an understanding of what it meant. But as I have progressed in life, I have now come to a full understanding of what it means from experience. I now have a full understanding of what its meaning is from my heart. 

When I want answers, I feel like I want the answers NOW. When something is in my head, I prefer to have that thought, question, or notion resolved NOW and at that moment. If I don’t, whatever is in my head will haunt me. It will make me restless. It will consume my thoughts and awaken me at night. It will consume my thoughts and make me distracted during times when I may need clarity the most. 

I lack patience for myself. I lack patience for others. I lack patience for this world: physically and spiritually. This has caused me to have irrational moments. This has caused me to make impulsive decisions in life that have always later come to bite me in the butt. 

But this is also something that I am now aware of. Thus, this marks the beginning of a positive change in my life :) . There are times when certain thoughts fill my head of questions I want to know, things that I need to voice and get off my chest, that I now tell myself “Patience, Aura. It will come when the time is right and you are ready”. I can almost hear my God’s voice telling me this herself. 

This has been revolutionary for me. Revelational. I have now realized that this certain season in my life is for learning to manifest patience. And it has been helpful for me in the fact that it slows me down. It allows me to calm my spirit. It allows me to breathe deeply. I have battled with anxiety in the past that comes and goes because I have been too impatient to trust God’s will. It has allowed me to pray more, meditate more, and to manifest more and better for myself. It has caused me to shift my mindset into a more positive thinking by not focusing on what I don’t have, but what I WILL have. 

Patience, Aura. Your season is coming.