Solo Dates

I’ve been single for a little over a year now. My divorce was technically finalized back in June of 2021. It seems like it was a lifetime ago…..

Back in my marriage, I felt like I was suffocating. I felt like I never had space. We was always together, and when we weren’t together, we was on the phone with each other. On the way to work. On the way from work. Constantly texting…

At first I loved it. I never had a guy who wanted to talk to me as much as I wanted to talk to him, MORE than I wanted to talk to him, lol. At first I thought it was cute. And then it became overbearing. I used to make up the silliest excuses to get off the phone with him sometimes. I would always say, “this Grandma calling me, let me call you right back”. And then most times I would never call back. I would just wait until I got home to see him and talk to him. Sometimes I just needed a break…

Now, I am not saying this to be shady or nothing. I won’t even say that he did anything wrong. It was a culture that we had started when we first started dating. So how would I expect from him to know I didn’t want to talk to him all the time anymore without me communicating it. So that’s on me. 

But while taking a look at my past experience with my ex and doing some inner reflection, I realized needed to do look down and do some deeper digging to see what the issue was so that way it’s not the same issue in my next relationship. Before, I was too afraid to communicate that in my past. And I didn’t the same issue or thoughts to arise in my future. 

I realized what I needed most in my relationship at that time was some me time. I needed a moment to myself to do what I want, be in my thoughts, to rejuvenate my mind and spirit. After further reflection, I realized that the reason that I felt suffocated was because I was not taking enough time for myself. I realized that the reason why I felt like I might of went “crazy” in my marriage because I never gave myself time to reflect on my wants, my needs, my desires. I also didn’t have time to be away from my ex and actually miss him. 

This made me realize the importance of solo dates. Now, a solo date does not mean a SINGLE date. I now realize that solo dates are important whether your single or your in a relationship with someone. No matter what your relationship status is, it is important that you take time for yourself. This does not have to be on the daily. This could be something that you every week, a single activity, a designated time frame. Whatever works best for your life. 

It also needs to be something where you feel at peace at. Something that calms your heart and spirit. Something allows you to feel your existence at that moment in time. For me, my most favorite thing to do is to go to a nature park.I love going on nature trails and just walking. I love feeling the sun. I love hearing the trees rustle. Fall is the perfect whether for this because you can feel the warmth of the sun without becoming too hot and feeling hot and bothered. And now that I have started writing, I love to go to a metropark, go for a walk, and type at the end. I usually end up typing about whatever was on my mind during the walk. 

I tend to do a lot of reflecting when I go on walks. People might even think I’m a tad bit crazy because I most definitely be talking to myself sometimes, lol. Sometimes, I find myself even talking to the trees. Since I have become more spiritual, I try to feel the energy from all of nature… the trees, the wind, the sun, the grass. I listen to the birds a lot more as well. That’s when I listen to their bird songs the most. 

It allows me to think about everything. Happy thoughts and sad thoughts. Since I’m alone I can openly and honestly process my emotions. A lot of us lie to others because we have a hard time being honest with ourselves. How can you be truly honest with someone if you constantly lie to myself? I pride myself as an honest person. But on the inside, I lie to myself all the time. 

For example, I lie to myself about when something hurts my feelings. I lie to myself and act like I’m okay and I try to portray that I am okay to others. In the past, I haven’t given myself time to fully process my emotions and why I felt the way I did. I reject my own emotions. I just put on the smile and the face like I’m okay and that I am unbothered, when on the inside, I’m screaming with tears, wanting someone to hear me and understand me. 

My solo dates are therapy for me. It gives me time to be open. It allows me time to be honest about my feelings and rationalize if its something that my gut is telling me or if I am just caught up in my pride or my ego.

When you’re in a relationship, it gives you time to reflect on your relationship. You can weigh the pros from the cons. When you're mad or frustrated with your partner, you can take some time to release that energy somewhere else other than your partner, which gives you time to communicate rationally to your partner the next time you both meet each other. You can miss them, and even remember why you fell in love with them in the first place. 

Solo dates are healthy for you soul, no matter if you’re in a relationship or not. I highly recommend it to everyone. Find your peace, no matter what it is. Get dressed and cute and take yourself on dates sometimes. Whether it’s at parks, to the movies (also one of my favorites), going out to eat, doing an activity such as painting or a dance class. Just find something… You’ll thank me later.