I believe that we never know a person until we know what brings them pain. Until we know what makes them sad. It is so easy for us to pretend to be happy. People are “happy” with smiles while suffering on the inside everyday. People pretend to be happy in their relationships all the time but internally they are miserable or they cheat as soon as their partner turns their back away from them. I know this because I have been one of those people before, who pretend to be happy. Yes, happiness can be a pure emotion. But it is not a pure emotion all the time. Most of the time if you ask me.
Sadness is different. No one wants to be sad, right? No one wants to cry, right? There have been days where I know I need to let out some cries but I choose not to because I don’t feel like dealing with the emotional recovery process that comes with it. Therefore, sadness is definitely a more pure emotion than happiness.
Most of us are still sad about things that they have been trying to recover from since childhood. We don’t talk about it (or at least we don’t like to), we bottle it up and pretend to move on or let things go. But in the end, our childhood is what defines us. Everything that is wrong with us stems from something from our childhood. A person who has grown up to see their parents argue and fight nonstop may either become a person who does not like confrontation and loses their voice in situations or they can become verbally/physically aggressive themselves. They say that about 90% of people who sexually assult others were more than likely to be sexually assaulted themselves as adolescence. A person who is a habitual cheater may become so because that is what they have seen so much from one of their parents. You see where I’m going here?
Now, that is not to say that parents are bad parents. I believe that every parent does their best. It may not be their actual best, as in yes, they possibly could have made a better choice in certain situations. But, at the time, parents think they are doing what’s best for their child in that moment of time. You know why I believe this. Because parents are human. They are not perfect. Parents were us once upon a time. I’m 28 years old and I have a child. I sure as hell don’t have my life figured out yet. Not by a long shot. So, how can I expect my parents to have their life figured out when they had me? But this type of realization doesn’t hit a lot of people until they become parents themselves.
Anyways, back to the subject at hand… until we not only learn, but UNDERSTAND, a person’s childhood, until we learn a person’s trauma, until we learn a person’s insecurity, until we learn a person’s pain, we’ll never actually know a person. But what is important is that you also have compassion for them as well. We’ll understand why a person doesn’t like to argue. We’ll understand why a person doesn’t trust childcare providers. We’ll understand why things that don’t trigger us may trigger others. We’ll understand that it doesn’t make any of us no less or no better than the next person. Because we’re all fucked up in some way, aspect, or form. And when it comes to the people we really love and care about, we’ll think twice about our words and our actions before we decide to hurt them any further.
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